Thursday
27 Nov 2008

hello. the whole world is asking me to give up/let go of my love. why should i? i dont want to.

hello love. rmb there was once i told you want to cherish you, but in order to let me do it, i need to suffer from a break up so i can cherish you.

in the past i dont know how to cherish you. yes i was the one who like you first and then you fell for me, yet when we were in a relationship, we started to quarrel like nobody's biz. i took you for granted. i was not responsible towards my own feelings. im afraid of this and that but you are not. i know you tried hard to salvage this relationship, yet i was sitting down here doing nth. i dont know how to express myself to you cos i dont know how to out talk you. im not good with words.

after going thru this period of torment, i realised that you are the one i love. all these while, you have been hiding deep inside my heart and i didnt know that. you sent me songs like go on girl, so what and damaged and i should have knew that you are on the verge of letting go. i admit that ive a feeling of losing you during that period but i didnt do anything to save it. why was i so foolish? i was waiting for you to take the initiative to ask me out and stuff but you didnt, cos you are someone who doesnt take initiatives. i miss ur starshine. i miss you telling me how much you love me. basically i miss you badly and i desperately need you back. i dont mind sacrificing anything for you, even if you want me to watch a horror movie with eyes wide open.

why cant you give me the last chance to make things right? whatever happened between us, gave you million reasons to leave me. but if you could find one reason to stay, i'll do anything to make it right. i swear. i just need ur faith and trust. i dont wish to find out one day that you are with any person. i dont want to. i really hope that one day you will come back to me.

when i came to my senses and know that ive really lost you, im literally torn apart. im listening to all the songs we used to share. ok. if you find that im irritating or annoying, please tell me. i will not bother you anymore. but please do know that if one day you want to come back, my heart is always open for you cos this is where ur home should be. i know the feelings of being abandoned and i dont want to let you feel it for the second time. no 3rd no 4th. i wanna be where you are. i dont any more 'goodnights' or 'byes', i only want to be ur lovely, ur sweetheart, ur everything.

fennie used to say 'how i wish i will get bang down by a car and then lost my memory'.
now i hope that im involved in some kind of freak accident and i will suffer from memory loss. isnt this great since no one can brainwash me.