its been a long time since i updated this blog.
just a few days back, she popped this qn to me
'if she comes back, will you accept her again?'
i was shocked.
when i was abt to reply and she said 'dnt say anything, your eyes betrayed you'
tears start to roll down from her eyes.
i just finished watching secret starring jay chou.
yes i admit, i kinda miss you. i still rmb you questioned me. i dnt know the answer
you replied ' bu neng shou de mi mi'. you were so cute.
now and then, you will still appear in my mind.
now and then, i will still dream of you. dreams that show we were still tgt. now its only part of my memories.
i still can feel how hurt i was.
my heart is still open to you.

do you still rmb 'bu neng shou de mi mi'?


9 feb 2009
Monday

guess many things have happened for the past two months. all bad stuff. but well im thankful that i have friends around me. im seriously grateful to them. just like when i dont feel like going home. just dial them and they will come down from wherever they are. so how can i not love my friends?

ytd was the best. i broke down like how i did last year. i have no idea who to call cos i dont like to cry over such things in front of my friends. but eventually i called serene and she meet me. i can have nth but i cannot live without my family and friends. like i always say, friends last longer than lovers and its so damn true.

though anna needs the both of them but she needs to learn how to be zhi zhu. (: and she is trying hard now. (:


Friday
29.01.2009

what the hell! my com is being a bitch to me. i typed a lot of stuff in this idiotic box and dang, my com reboot by itself. hello wake up now. you (points at the com) are working for me now. im ur owner so please behave. THANKS!

ohwell, i havent been updating my blog for months and i can see that its super duper outdated. in the meantime please put up with this cos im too lazy or maybe too occupied to tidy it up. sorry! 2008 wasnt my year at all. perhaps i should say beginning of the year was fun but at the end of the year, i had to deal with 2 fucked up stuff. they torn my life apart and at that point, life was super meaningless for me. i thought, probably 2008 should be my final year but thank god, my friends kept me going forward. what should i say? 2009 should be a better year for me.

ohwell what makes you think you can dump anna just like that? 26 sept, you were supposed to wait for me cos there are a lot of things that have to be settled and you just say there's nth to. wtf? stop playing games with urself. we faced so many problems last year and we didnt settle a single one. mind you! if you cant promise forever, please dont anyhow tell other ppl that you will love them forever and even if you break up with them, you will still love them. oh what a joke! you succeeded in ruining my 'forever' which i thought was possible. hell no! you want me to forget you? YES I WILL DO IT! I WILL TRY MY UTMOST BEST TO DO IT. I WILL DO ANYTHING TO FORGET YOU! you were the one who left me broken hearted and i will never forgive you for this.

but on the flipside, i still love you. i miss you. i think of you during my idle time. what has become of us? why didnt you wait for me? i know im in the wrong. but why cant you just give me another chance to make things right? why must you be so heartless? why did you tear my heart apart? why must you take my heart away when you are gone? why? i want you more than anything else in this wish. i pray at 11:11 pm everyday. i pray that we will be tgt once more.

ahh now im stuffing myself with work, work , frisbee and frisbee. should i join national youth? there are so many girls who are much more better than me. my body has been giving me a lot of problems and i puked in front of my friends today. they should be thankful that i was entertaining them and best of all, it was FREE!

i know we are broken but lovers or strangers? im sorry, im a strong believer that lovers cannot be friends. some did it but it doesnt apply to me.


Dec 15 2008

indecisive indecisive. this is the kind of person i am.

i still love you the same. right now, i have to get over 2 major things of my life. my love life, my family problem. im always think, are u much more happier? sighs. without your love, im only half. no one can replace your position and im waiting for you to come back to me. i miss you and i love you truly madly deeply.


i talk to no one. no one talks to me.

i hate you BADLY!

watch out!


Thursday
27 Nov 2008

hello. the whole world is asking me to give up/let go of my love. why should i? i dont want to.

hello love. rmb there was once i told you want to cherish you, but in order to let me do it, i need to suffer from a break up so i can cherish you.

in the past i dont know how to cherish you. yes i was the one who like you first and then you fell for me, yet when we were in a relationship, we started to quarrel like nobody's biz. i took you for granted. i was not responsible towards my own feelings. im afraid of this and that but you are not. i know you tried hard to salvage this relationship, yet i was sitting down here doing nth. i dont know how to express myself to you cos i dont know how to out talk you. im not good with words.

after going thru this period of torment, i realised that you are the one i love. all these while, you have been hiding deep inside my heart and i didnt know that. you sent me songs like go on girl, so what and damaged and i should have knew that you are on the verge of letting go. i admit that ive a feeling of losing you during that period but i didnt do anything to save it. why was i so foolish? i was waiting for you to take the initiative to ask me out and stuff but you didnt, cos you are someone who doesnt take initiatives. i miss ur starshine. i miss you telling me how much you love me. basically i miss you badly and i desperately need you back. i dont mind sacrificing anything for you, even if you want me to watch a horror movie with eyes wide open.

why cant you give me the last chance to make things right? whatever happened between us, gave you million reasons to leave me. but if you could find one reason to stay, i'll do anything to make it right. i swear. i just need ur faith and trust. i dont wish to find out one day that you are with any person. i dont want to. i really hope that one day you will come back to me.

when i came to my senses and know that ive really lost you, im literally torn apart. im listening to all the songs we used to share. ok. if you find that im irritating or annoying, please tell me. i will not bother you anymore. but please do know that if one day you want to come back, my heart is always open for you cos this is where ur home should be. i know the feelings of being abandoned and i dont want to let you feel it for the second time. no 3rd no 4th. i wanna be where you are. i dont any more 'goodnights' or 'byes', i only want to be ur lovely, ur sweetheart, ur everything.

fennie used to say 'how i wish i will get bang down by a car and then lost my memory'.
now i hope that im involved in some kind of freak accident and i will suffer from memory loss. isnt this great since no one can brainwash me.




its time i should start studying, doing intense revision yet i'm slacking like how a primary 6 kid would, after his PSLE. ohwell, as usual i'm bothered by some problems. the person i care abt, is rejecting everything i'm offering. i'm a monster. yes i am. i should be banish into hell for this. for things that i didnt know i went wrong. the one i care didnt bother to explain to me.

i'm down and never up for months. now its time to pick myself up. i should be left alone.